The Origin Story (Part I) - Heron Medicine

I want to tell you a story about the Bear, Heron, and the gift of a rebirth.

Fair warning: This involves conversations around war and medicine cards. I promise I won't get too hippie on you.

Yet.

2020 was an incredibly hard year for me.

I had plunged deep into a pit of darkness, trapped in a tapestry woven by all forms of disorder—personally and professionally. As much as I wanted to cast the blame in other directions, everywhere I looked, the common thread to all the pain was me.

I was numb and couldn't feel anything. No joy. No sadness. A robot going through the motions. To others, my on-paper and digital life shined. But deep inside, the frayed edges of my soul was tearing apart.

Something had to be done.

To this day, I cannot tell you why I went to the Blackmore trailhead at 6 p.m. in late September. Looking back, it is almost as though I was guided to that spot. An invitation from higher to untangle life's beauty from the darkness that enveloped me.

For anyone that has lived in bear country, this is the time of the season when bears become most active. Winter is not long on the calendar and getting fat as possible makes for comfortable hibernation. Bears need to eat.

I didn't carry bear spray. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Hell, I didn't know what I was doing.

All I knew was that I just wanted to feel something again. I needed adrenaline to shoot through my veins just like it did when I was in Afghanistan. I needed old memories to access distant feelings. Something to reignite the spark of life.  So here in the isolated mountains of Montana surrounded by one of the most gorgeous places on Earth, I needed to call back to a buried past.

I needed to remember the stillness of an early Afghan summer morning shattered by the siren's call of battle.

I needed to remember the sprint of an entire flight line and the orchestrating symphony of humming engines and crackling radios. The organized flurry of Marines, years of training coming together, weaving into a beautiful crescendo of peak teamwork.

I needed to remember the lightning bolt of a nine-line attack brief followed by the intoxicating smell of rockets and ammunition riffled from aircraft.

I needed to remember how it all came to this moment. Why we trained so hard. All the pain, the long nights, the sacrifice. So that here, whenever everything mattered, we didn't fall short when someone needed us the most.

But more than that, it was the feeling that I needed to remember.

The one where, for maybe five minutes of our lives, we were the best in the world at what we did. That in this small window of time, we meant everything to someone. Knowing that all we had ever worked for—this very moment where life and death teetered along the edges of our actions—was our chance to make a difference.

I went to that trail during the peaceful serenity of a fleeting summer's evening because I needed to relight my soul. I needed to remember what it was like to have something to live for.

So, I walked.

I made it about 800 meters in before I stopped. My body shaking.

"What the actual fuck, Justin? Are you trying to get eaten by a bear?"

Adrenaline surged. A damn of emotions, held back in compartments welded by my heart, nearly cracked, but didn't. Even this insanely stupid act couldn't break the levee.

That was the moment I realized I needed to take action. The exact moment I decided something was not right with me. Am I really going this far risking my life so that I can feel something again?

I needed a total reboot. That is when I decided to "ctrl-alt-delete" my emotional state and upgrade my entire operating system.

And so I did.

What transpired over the next three years—my own “spiritual walkabout”—was a personal journey to rediscovering what joy, purpose, and passion means to me. I have done a lot of work to be here now. This journey has been deeply introspective and, at times, soul crushing work. But all of it richly rewarding.

Was this a rebirth? A new beginning? Or chiseling away at the cold veneer that covered up the real me?

I will close by sharing one of my favorite moments during this journey because it was such a departure from the rigid and narrow minded "old" me. Apropos to the founding of On Glideslope, this moment came at a meditation retreat mere months after I toyed with the prospect of getting in a foot race with a bear.

At this retreat, I worked with a facilitator trained in ancient healing traditions. To help with my intention during our five-hour meditation together, I was asked to draw a medicine card.

I drew the Blue Heron.

That night ended up being one of the most powerful experiences I have had in my life. I was able to peer into the depths of my soul, cast out the burdens that weighed me down, and crack my heart wide open. A flood of emotions finally released. Love, joy, and life came back to me.

I remembered what it was like to feel again.

Moreover, that night was a catalyst that helped me rediscover my life’s purpose—an unwavering commitment to serving others.

This experience, along the dozens of others during this "walkabout," is why I am here today. I believe the world suffers from all forms of poor leadership and that we have a commitment to each other to change that. Of course, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes. I know I have my share of regrets where, when given the chance to lead, I sometimes failed to show up the way others needed me to. And that eats at me to this day.

I am not shy to say, however, that it is precisely those experiences that fuel my passion today. We make ZERO commitments to the past. As leaders, we can learn and grow to be the best versions of ourselves. But first, we must move forward and admit there is yet work to be done.

With great humility, I offer myself completely to this next chapter.

Let's change the world. Together.

In service,

-Justin

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BLUE HERON

From the Medicine Cards, by Jamie Sams and David Carson, Illustrated by Angela Werneke

Blue Heron:  “Self-Reflection”

“Blue Heron… Thank you, Sacred Waterbird, For sending reflections to me; The mirrors of the quest for life, The worlds that live inside of me.

Show me how relationships work, With my path woven within the whole. The lessons of kinship with all life, Reflecting my spirits eternal goal.”

Heron medicine is the power of knowing the self by discovering its gifts and facing its challenges. It is the ability to accept all feelings and opinions without denying any emotion or thought. Heron flies over those who are unaware of who they are and where they belong in the world. Gently dropping a blue feather to them, Heron asks that they follow their intuition and begin the empowering journey of self-realization.

If the great Blue Heron has flown into your cards today, it is urging you to dive into the watery world of feelings to seek your truth. Heron teaches you to develop your self-reflective skills so that you may come to know yourself in an intimate way. Looking at yourself through the filmy lens of self-importance, the cloudy perceptions of low self-worth, or the myopic eyes of self-pity, you will never understand your true potential or appreciate the opportunities that appear.

Heron asks that you examine yourself with a cold eye to see what you wish to improve and how you want to change. If you get stuck in the process, it may be a sign that you are being too hard or critical. Choosing to blame others and constantly pointing a finger at life’s situations, instead of claiming responsibility for your actions, shows that you lack the courage to face the enemy within.

Heron medicine people are willing to look at themselves and see the truth of their motives, actions, feelings, dreams, goals, inner strengths and inner weaknesses. In balancing those truths, Heron’s medicine shows you how to meet the challenges of your personal weaknesses and how to continue developing the skills that lead to inner strength and certainty of purpose.

Are you willing to dive into the watery depths of your own feelings and discover the role of your spiritual essence? Heron is now calling you to delve deeper, to know yourself, and to trust your path. Like the Phoenix, who rises from its own ashes, Heron emerges from the unseen worlds of spirit into a new balanced sense of self in order to embrace its potential again and again.

The magnificence of your human spirit lies waiting for the joy of discovery, if you are courageous enough to follow the waterbird throughout the journey. Heron reminds you that every traveler on life’s journey is a messenger, and that every destination is the beginning of a new life cycle on the Medicine Wheel.

The card that changed everything.

_______________

Justin is an experienced leadership coach committed to making a difference in the world, beginning with influential leaders in positions to affect change. His diverse professional background includes co-founding several startups in the non-profit and security sectors, and leading in various marketing, operations, and analytics roles. Additionally, he is a 24-year veteran of the United States Marine Corps.

Formerly an AH-1W/Z pilot with over 1100 combat flight hours, Justin has traded his love for the skies for the passion to support transformational change for those who heed the call to lead.

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